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It had been nice of Abby to show me the shower in the house’s lower level. She even went to my truck to get the change of clothes I’d brought. She was in my personal space, with no objection, as we planned for tomorrow. That night I kept wondering what it would be like to be her husband. Would I keep her horizontal all the time or would I wear out and have to take a break?That turned out to be an applicable line of thought. Over cold tea I found out he worked and traveled a lot, much to her dismay. He’d just left for a trip to Asia for two weeks. She sat close to me, I noticed. I had a rule, which I was sorely tempted to break, that I never made the first move.She must have figured it out because she didn’t just show me to the shower that day, she joined me. Wordlessly she cleaned me up, paying special attention where my legs started. I reached for those perfect breasts and they felt every bit as good as they looked. She smiled as I tweaked her stand-out nipples. Words were still not. Knowing how society works, that couldn't happen. I would have been seen as something horrible, nevermind the fact that there was a true deep love in my heartI'm learning more every day, seeing things now, that I missed then. The little things, the smiles at just me, even when you were crying. The way your eyes seemed to light up. The times that you'd want to spend time just the two of us. The random hugs, the occasional "I love you" when we were home alone. I realize now, you never said it in front of anyone else, it was always something between you and I. I missed so many of the little signs you had given me that I wouldn't be rejected. But, sadly, it's too late to change any of that. If I had it to do all over again, I would do so many things differently. I made my bed, now I must lie in it, forever. I have to atone for the pain I caused. It's my burden, and some days, I truly do struggle with it. The words are just words, i can say "I'm sorry" a billion times a day, and it.
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